Everything...

Here I go again. In two days I will be on my way back to school, 16 hours away from my family and friends. And this time, as much as my parents and friends hate to hear me say it, I don't think I'm going to come back...not to stay.

I graduated high school last year and was excited to move on, leave this town and school behind, and start over. I was the girl who couldn't wait to "get outta here." But that was the WRONG outlook. I now see the importance of my past and that if I would have lived anywhere else, with any other dynamics or diversity, I wouldn't be the same person I am today.

However, even though that was not the right outlook, I do know that God's plan for my life includes a different place. The fact that I have no idea where I will end up geographically excites me and scares me...mostly excites me. Because God has taken me to some pretty cool places so far.

There are a lot of things I have to leave here and a few things I have to let go of for...ever. My friends I have to say goodbye to, and that is sad but I will see them, talk to them, and reconnect with them. It will never be exactly the same with all the same people at once, but such is life and I have come to terms with that. My family will always be there for me, I will always love them, I will always be welcome home with open arms. That has been made very clear to me my entire life. Even if I wanted to get rid of them I wouldn't be able to =)

But there is one thing that I am still trying to come to terms with... I have to leave my church here. I can't take it with me. And that breaks my heart. Every person there is family. I would have to take a year off of school if I wanted to thank everyone there for the investments they've made in my life. I tried to imagine how my life would have turned out without all of the beautiful people that make up my church and it scares me. I have no idea where I would be, or WHO I would be. I wouldn't have had the opportunities that I did.

Not very many American Christians find a church that fits them as well as mine has fit me. I am just SO blessed to be able to say that God used me! And I wouldn't be able to say that without the love and support of my church family.

And now... I have to look for another church. And I can't look for my church, because I won't find it. But I tried to live without a church home at school last year with this thought in the back of my mind that if I found one I would be betraying my church at home. But now I know that I can't live without one