really? You can see the driveway with your nose way up in the air like that?
“I’m think being chased by a psychiatrist” “what!” “it happens”
close your blinds if you’re gonna be so sensitive.
Fine. Walk all the way to the bathroom like a bunch of suckers.
"he’s going after the leftovers" "we prefer the term 'senior citizens'"
My family is best observed from a distance. Like gorillas.
What do you want, how much is it going to cost me, and why is the dog wearing a hat?
”what would you like?’ “rye toast” “would you like that toasted?” “Uhhh sure why not”
“not only has she aged but she has a beer belly” “that’s my wife and she’s pregnant” “well then she should lay off the beer!”
“when is he gonna realize that education and me just don’t mix?” “um, education and I.” “hello! This isn’t about YOU!!”
We all have feelings but theres a time when we need to let them out and theres a time when we need to keep that crap inside.
Gimme ten pushups—because you’re ugly.
I had very engaging conversation with a therapist today. True story.
we don’t have police in this town, we just beat the crap out of you if you’re acting stupid.
Redneck joke: You should really stop flirting with your cousin.
