I don't know how I feel about letting people go. And I am not talking about leaving Washington, I'm talking about old friends. I don't like letting go because I feel like that's a way of giving up. But I think that sometimes it's ok to just say that we used to be friends and now we're different.
...one of my friends who I've known for about 6 years has recently dropped off the face of the earth. However, I have found that they only disappeared from my life, not their "real" friends. A little over a year ago I told this person about the biggest decision I've ever made in my entire life and they responded with, "that's stupid." I realized that they didn't know me well enough or care about me enough to be my friend. In fact, I'm not sure what ever made me think they were truly my friend.
Recently, they have made a decision in their life. Probably the biggest they will ever make. And the cruel, bitter, "flesh" part of me wants to say, "that's stupid." But I know this person well enough to know that they thought it through, prayed about it, and carefully planned for it and that they would have never made this decision unless they knew that it was a part of God's plan for their life. And you know what? I'm too sensitive and I give too much of myself to people to be a part of a one-sided relationship. So maybe I do know how I feel about letting people go; sometimes it's necessary.
Honestly, this whole post is a rant. But very few people (*cough* one person *cough*) actually read this blog. And that person is my friend, and she knows me, so she'll understand.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Everything...
Here I go again. In two days I will be on my way back to school, 16 hours away from my family and friends. And this time, as much as my parents and friends hate to hear me say it, I don't think I'm going to come back...not to stay.
I graduated high school last year and was excited to move on, leave this town and school behind, and start over. I was the girl who couldn't wait to "get outta here." But that was the WRONG outlook. I now see the importance of my past and that if I would have lived anywhere else, with any other dynamics or diversity, I wouldn't be the same person I am today.
However, even though that was not the right outlook, I do know that God's plan for my life includes a different place. The fact that I have no idea where I will end up geographically excites me and scares me...mostly excites me. Because God has taken me to some pretty cool places so far.
There are a lot of things I have to leave here and a few things I have to let go of for...ever. My friends I have to say goodbye to, and that is sad but I will see them, talk to them, and reconnect with them. It will never be exactly the same with all the same people at once, but such is life and I have come to terms with that. My family will always be there for me, I will always love them, I will always be welcome home with open arms. That has been made very clear to me my entire life. Even if I wanted to get rid of them I wouldn't be able to =)
But there is one thing that I am still trying to come to terms with... I have to leave my church here. I can't take it with me. And that breaks my heart. Every person there is family. I would have to take a year off of school if I wanted to thank everyone there for the investments they've made in my life. I tried to imagine how my life would have turned out without all of the beautiful people that make up my church and it scares me. I have no idea where I would be, or WHO I would be. I wouldn't have had the opportunities that I did.
Not very many American Christians find a church that fits them as well as mine has fit me. I am just SO blessed to be able to say that God used me! And I wouldn't be able to say that without the love and support of my church family.
And now... I have to look for another church. And I can't look for my church, because I won't find it. But I tried to live without a church home at school last year with this thought in the back of my mind that if I found one I would be betraying my church at home. But now I know that I can't live without one
I graduated high school last year and was excited to move on, leave this town and school behind, and start over. I was the girl who couldn't wait to "get outta here." But that was the WRONG outlook. I now see the importance of my past and that if I would have lived anywhere else, with any other dynamics or diversity, I wouldn't be the same person I am today.
However, even though that was not the right outlook, I do know that God's plan for my life includes a different place. The fact that I have no idea where I will end up geographically excites me and scares me...mostly excites me. Because God has taken me to some pretty cool places so far.
There are a lot of things I have to leave here and a few things I have to let go of for...ever. My friends I have to say goodbye to, and that is sad but I will see them, talk to them, and reconnect with them. It will never be exactly the same with all the same people at once, but such is life and I have come to terms with that. My family will always be there for me, I will always love them, I will always be welcome home with open arms. That has been made very clear to me my entire life. Even if I wanted to get rid of them I wouldn't be able to =)
But there is one thing that I am still trying to come to terms with... I have to leave my church here. I can't take it with me. And that breaks my heart. Every person there is family. I would have to take a year off of school if I wanted to thank everyone there for the investments they've made in my life. I tried to imagine how my life would have turned out without all of the beautiful people that make up my church and it scares me. I have no idea where I would be, or WHO I would be. I wouldn't have had the opportunities that I did.
Not very many American Christians find a church that fits them as well as mine has fit me. I am just SO blessed to be able to say that God used me! And I wouldn't be able to say that without the love and support of my church family.
And now... I have to look for another church. And I can't look for my church, because I won't find it. But I tried to live without a church home at school last year with this thought in the back of my mind that if I found one I would be betraying my church at home. But now I know that I can't live without one
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